choices we don't want to make
by Someone aka Me
Summary: When James and Regulus start dating, Sirius worries about being forced to choose between them.


At first, Sirius is kind of upset.

James comes to him, slowly and with hesitation, which sends off alarm bells for Sirius because when does James ever hesitate with him?

But James corners him when he's alone in the dorm, doodling on a bit of spare parchment, Remus helping Peter with a History of Magic essay in the library, and James says, "Can I talk to you?"

And Sirius doesn't hesitate, just rolls himself into a sitting position on his bed and pats the empty spot beside him.

James sits, but he he sits gingerly at the edge of the bed, ready to spring up and bolt at any moment.

"What the hell is wrong?" Sirius asks, eyeing him sharply.

James sighs. "Look, I don't want you to think I was hiding this from you, because I wasn't, but it's really new and I just… It didn't seem like the kind of thing to blurt out, so I was waiting for a good time but then I realized there's not really going to be one so—"

"Mate, out with it."

James sighs once more, and then says, "I'm dating your brother. I'm dating Regulus."

Sirius goes still. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to _think_. He's not sure which one of them he's supposed to feel protective over. He's not sure which of them he's supposed to feel mad at.

"How long?"

A bit of the tension goes out of James at the calm question, and Sirius wonders how terrified he really was.

"Two weeks," James says.

Sirius imagines James sneaking around for two whole weeks, dating Regulus and not wanting him to know, and for a second he thinks he might be angry.

But then he thinks about it, and he knows that isn't how it went.

He remembers when he first started dating Remus. He remembers how new and fragile it had all felt. Like if anyone else knew, they'd have to leave whatever fairytale they were living in and drop down to Earth, where everything was hard and real and could hurt. He remembers needing it to be just them, just while it was blooming, blossoming.

He thinks about James, who probably felt like every moment spent with Sirius was a lie. He thinks about how weird and shifty James has been.

And he doesn't blame them.

But he's not sure how he feels. So he says, "All right."

James, who has been staring at his hands, looks back at him in shock. "All right?"

Sirius shrugs. "All right."

…

Later that day, he crawls into Remus's bed and lets his boyfriend hold him tight, heads curled in together, as he explains what James has told him.

Remus lets the words linger in the air for a bit as he considers.

And then he says, "How does that make you feel?"

Sirius swallows deeply, because he's been trying to figure that out all day. Eventually, he takes a deep breath and says, "I don't know. He could be the making of my brother. Or make him worse than ever." He pauses, and then says, "I guess I'm afraid they're going to hurt each other, and I'm going to have to pick a side, and Regulus… Regulus already assumes I'm not going to pick him."

"Would you?" Remus asks softly.

Sirius rolls away from him, faces the ceiling of the four-poster bed. "I… don't know. James saved me. When I had no one else. He was the first one who didn't think that just because I was a Black, my path was set. But Regulus… I think Regulus needs me, the way I needed James. I just don't know if he'll ever accept my help. That's the problem."

He looks at Remus, head propped up on a pillow, hair a messy sprawl, and he says, "I don't want to have to choose between them." He's kind of proud of the way his voice doesn't crack, because there's a knot lodged in his throat.

Remus smiles at him, soft and a little sad, but full of affection. "Maybe you won't have to."

Sirius takes a deep breath.

"Yeah. Maybe."

He rolls back into Remus's arms and lets the warmth cocoon him — a warmth that he knows will never burn. Maybe, he thinks, James and Regulus will be like he and Remus: forever.

Just maybe.

* * *

Auction: "He could be the making of my brother. Or make him worse than ever." words: 726

April Writing Month: 726

Couple Appreciation: affection

Gobstones: Green, secrecy. A: (word) Blooming; P: (pairing) Regulus/James; T: (trait) Artistic

Scavenger Hunt: Write a fic about a non-canon Marauder era pairing or triad — Wolfstar excluded.

Disney C8: Owl - Write about someone wise. / AA 7. But whatever, however, whenever this ends, I want you to know that, right now, I love you forever. / Showtime 20. Light Romance/Madman - write about a secret relationship. Alt. write about revenge / Buttons: word 5: burn / Lyric alley: You say, "Just come back to bed" / AAA: 7. Denim Cut-Offs - Plot Point: A character is gay. / Lo's Lowdown C7 Thor: Alt. write about a complicated sibling relationship.

Easter bingo: problem / Guess the Name: Chip - James


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